So scary bits

Here I am, minding my own business. .. at the drive in... need to potty you know wanna beat the crowd. .. so quick step up there. .. leaving the bathroom there where a lot of cars departing the drivein carbonoxide was so thick. ..I literally couldn't breath. I am trying desperately to get back to the car... by the time I got there it was so hard to breath I could not speak. I tried to call out to Kelly and nothing I fell over onto the hood!  He scooped me up and (I don't even know what he was saying) I just said hold me until I catch my breath. ..he did. ..I was then very tired and we soon went home instead of finishing the movie... I was so very tired I couldn't do this last nightand I am going back to bed now I just wanted to get this down while it was still fresh.... scary stuff...

This is fantastic! A women so very much more than I...

http://sfglobe.com/?id=2632&src=fbfan_2632

Lots for you today Or days of stuff all at once!

The reality of my life is I am not what I was. What does that mean well my brain for example. We went to my friends wedding reception. I knew she would probably want me to do my hair and my new found peach fuzz I wanted to cover so I wore my teal wig in case or knowing there would be pictures. Having said all this ,did I remember to bring things to actually do hair"NO"! Chemo Brain! !! I did get it done when the inevitability happened... she had a beautiful reception, and I am glad she asked me to be apart of it... so chemo brain!
Yesterday, I worked ...then even though I was so tired I wanted nothing but to nap...I really wanted to hike take the boys to water!  Instead of napping, I went to thousand acres... only about a mile in (would have been easy 6 months ago),  I had to stop several times going in and back (more on the way back) but it was so sweet to watch the boys! And then I got some very bad news (not able to share at this moment) but it shook me. So I came home sat and fell fast asleep... I woke and went to bed in the middle of the night... today I am moving slow but I am moving!  I will get better, I am getting better! I am not patient! Not by a long shot! But I am stubborn!  So I may not be completely Lois yet,  but I will be (sooner than later)!

Got a Date!

Next surgery 9/5!!!

Waiting game

Waiting for a date for my next surgery. My cellulitis seems to have resolved, but the hardness in my breast persist. It is completely black and blue (well technically it's greens now) nice scar though ! I am hoping that doesn't change. Well I am going to go to thousand acres with the Boyz this morning

Under I go again...

I just got a call from my surgeon (dun Dun da) another round!  Back under the knife. I was hoping for clean margins obviously I didn't get them... I will be fine it's just getting some more tissue... the tears will stop soon... give me a day I will be better tomorrow....

Sleeping Beauty Or little pills pack a big punch!

Stay in front of the pain. .. that is what the reoccurring theme is.  I have been hearing this line for months. And until my boob turned into a cantaloupe I was having a hard time following orders. ... since Sunday night though (they gave me morphine in the hospital can you say scary) one pill every 2 hours so it only hurts if someone (or a dog) bumps it. There are several ways I can tell it is getting better. # 1  when bumped it hurts a lot less than 3 days ago. #2 it is no longer red. #3 it is less hard. #4 it is starting to looking like my boob again (a very yellow boob) but mine. I am hoping by Friday to stop the meds in the day so I can work Sunday. But I actually feel as if I am getting better yeah! 

Drugged or I am my own hostage. ..

Cellulitis with a fluid build up.  But he wants to give is a few days on antibiotics.  Which means me on drugs because the boob hurts like holy hell! So until the antibiotics work,  we have entered the land of loopy Lois! Because honestly I am tired of pain. No working the rest of the week. Domino effect, no working =moving clients=working harder next week. Now the dogs make me so tired,  I have asleep 3 times writing this....stay tuned

Bad Boob!

Here I am in a hospital bed. .. of all places, in a hospital!  They are going to be draining my boob in the morning. .. I keep saying this, but,  I am so over this sick thing! (Uselessly shaking fist) obviously I haven't learned the lesson. ....

When is enough, enough?

A friend and I where talking today. We both "have" breast cancer we both have had surgery and gone through chemo (she is still doing chemo) next is radiation. But in both our heads is the question when do you get to say cancer free?  In her mind she knew the moment she believed it was gone. Oddly I had that moment also (obviously a different moment than hers).  A definitive moment that our brains "saw"  we were free ... having said that , when do the medico's say this is it!  This is the end.  I have to wait find out if I have clean margins and heal. Then 6 weeks of radiation (30 treatments) I know... know. .. my journey down this path is coming to a close. My new path (unless something presents itself) will be regaining my good health!  What is that saying "you are in pretty good shape for the shape you are in" lol!  I want to feel good again!  I need to feel good again!  I have walked a mile in another man's shoes (I want mine back)...

A semblance of life

Well, I other than sore booby and out of breath.  I am good! Down side of hair coming back, Hair is coming back EVERYWHERE ! LOL! So tomorrow is wax day. ♡ I don't know how much longer I will do this blog.  I mean I am almost done in 6 weeks I will have 6 weeks (5 days a week)of radiation which should be a breeze.  As soon as I can I would like to start C 2 5k with my dogs. But otherwise I am un interesting. I want to again thank you all for following me on my journey. I will continue to post until they pronounce me cancer free.

I survived! Seriously!

And besides spending all day in the pre op( lots of test because of the blood clots )  nice new scar. .. just have to wait to hear if I got my clean margins! My journey is nearing its end ....

Can't sleep... why am I scared?

Odd sensation. .. what exactly am I afraid of? It's like when your a kid afraid to go to the dentist. No sane reason behind it. Just irrational, gut fear. It's my bogey man.  So grown up Lois knows all this. And yet here I am. .. sitting in the dark. .. crying. It's no big deal,  I am going to be fine...I am always fine... No answers to be had right now. 9 am surgery prep, which includes placing a hook (seriously that's what they call it) then off to surgery 11:30. It should take about an hour. So I should be out and home by 2pm? ... maybe I can sleep now. ...

Surgery (dun Dun Dun daaa ) am I scared?

They moved it to Wednesday... yes day after tomorrow...I am apprehensive, is that the right word? This is it! What it all comes down too. Radiation is like moping up. .. this is it... why am I so at odds in my head about going under (dun Dun Dun daaa) I am crazy...

Oregon beaches or a blustery day

my first trip to the beach with the boys. .. they weren't impressed though it was nice and cool if a little windy. ..i think we will stick with the rivers they are closer lol!

No more Mr Lumpy

Ultrasound today,  No lump! What more can I say? !? Amazing!  Chemotherapy, was all worth it!  I see the surgeon Tuesday.
They clipped the lump in April. When I asked them why they said "theoretically, it could shrink during chemo to a point that the surgeon couldn't find it"
I was like " no way! "
And here I am!  My husband cried, in public,  unashamed...

It's been days! Or impatience Lois is thy name

Still waiting for a surgery date! Daily I feel stronger. More Lois all the time. I am having a hard time breathing at night when I lay down, And walking. But how very nice to be getting back to me! I have been taking the boys to new parks. I wish it wasn't so hot. I am not tolerating the heat well. It is wonderful though just be walking this earth ...