Love Kaiser!

If I haven't said anything but I should have! I love Kaiser! The Oncology is amazing all the nurses and Doctors. But all all my experience! Today with my GP Dr Ogden and his nurse Jackie really listen to me and I feel really well cared for! So my big thank you to all of them for my fabulous care!

Feeling pretty good!

Other than the shoulder ( which we are not talking about) I feel pretty darn good! So enjoying that! Going to the doctor about my shoulder this afternoon hopeful of getting some relief... well happy day!

Really...Chemo Brain!

So I just realized I hadn't taken my high blood pressure meds in like 3 days! Duh! That explains allot! Took it feeling better!!! Okay, now to get going!

Ready, set...set...okay...what's next

I really feel okay,(everything still tastes weird) but I just can't get moving...I am having a hard time motivating just to rise! But I feel okay, so I can do this...I will check back in a bit.

The slime monster!

Totally weird! Not a great day anyway, but to top it off evening taste oily or slimy! Even my water! Hard to describe very strange though! Really trying to have a sense of humor about today...

Old pain or new..does it really matter?

So I have arrived at the conclusion the during my lymph node dissection the surgeon re injured my shoulder! It has been bothering my since the surgery and been becoming a more and more of a challenge with each passing week! The last couple nights in particular( I.e. 3am me posing). So this old pain that for years kept me sleepless and barely functioning that I have just been free of a year or so. Now, seems to be creeping back in! Fantastic! (Sarcasm) really right now, in this moment, I am kind of fed up with it all...but the pain is starting to mercifully release me for now so back to sleep... I will be better in the morning...another beautiful day will greet me.

Oh Ya, I remember this or moving through oatmeal...

Just can't get my stride today. I don't exactly feel bad. But I really don't feel good...that slightly to full uneasy feeling has returned. Low energy...just have to get used to it all again...it's better this way I know... but I am already missing me...deep breath in, breath out, I will be better tomorrow!

We are now living in upside down crazy world!!

I just abandon half a bowl of ice cream because it tasted gross! Each bite was worse than the last! This is horrible! Or potential very good. Up until 2 months ago I had been off dairy for all over a year, choosing almond milk products(very spendy) but satisfying. But comfort food standbys have been my down fall through this process...until now...mixed blessing???? Whatever it is my tummy is UN happy right now as is my mouth! I am going to brush my teeth and hope my tummy settles down...

By the way, it's Memorial Day weekend!

I want to stop a moment and say thank you...
Thank you too my father who was career Coast Guard (27 years) and served with honor at home and in Vietnam.
His father, and friends that served.
My husband who was Air Force and served over seas.
His father who was a WW II and Korea bomber pilot, also career Air Force and reserves(totally nearly 50 years!). His brother who was in Vietnam.
My ex husband, his second wife and his father also served proudly!

These are just a few of the people in my life that bring this holiday home to me. Alive and dead they are all hero's because they chose to serve. Because they chose, my life is better.
This small token before the weekend starts, is to go with my mother and put flowers on all of our fallen spend a moment thinking of them. It isn't much but it is a day of remembrance in my life before I enjoy the fruits of their sacrifices.
Happy Memorial Day!

And then there was chemo... or sleep perchance to dream...

Just woke up( kinda ) when I got back to mom's....I felt fine then it came like a wave...washing away my energy...washing away my will to continue doing what I was doing...then add if to punctuate the point I suddenly could not keep my eyes open! I literally barely made it to bed and was gone...that was 3 hours ago...my bladder just woke me up and of to sleep I am going again...I still have to look back was it like this last time? Hope you are having a fantastic day! I am back to sleep, perchance to dream...

3 down!

Just finished ac 3! I feel good... so cool to be back on track!

Bring on the Chemo!

Got the all clear! Yes!!! This morning I took mom to the grave sides at Lincoln & Willamette.to put flowers out for those who have passed on. The list grows every few years...then we went for my blood draw and then the doc to get his Okey doke! A very full day! Early day tomorrow :-)

Hopeful girl

So today's doctor appointment was pretty positive...the doctor says the arm looks pretty good(sadly nothing to do about the pain but drugs) ... the lump though! She has to look for! Yes! Chemo is working! So hopeful for my third round Friday. Did a short hike with the dogs...now a nap :-)

So tired...

A little scared... so tired...and the shoulder pain...one more work day...then doctors. I hope they figure out why all this pain!...one more day...but first I have to get through tonight

Life and other fabulous things!

Can I just say...what a beautiful damn day! Productive! One of those check off all our to dos for today! Kelly and I did so much and went to dinner too! Loving life!!!

Lois, Hi! I remember you!

Okay so my hiking is slow and we(my dogs and I ) had a nap when I got home. Did laundry and dishes and went out with my husband oh and another walk with the dogs(shorter this time) another nap. I love life!

One more week of ME!

So I to go into the doctors appointment thinking...( I will be able to chemo tomorrow) Nope! He wants to see me again next week :( so now 2 weeks off schedule...hiking tomorrow! Yard work!!! What? Don't over do!? Yes yes :-) so here we go! One more week of Lois!!!

I hike, you hike, we all hike, hike, hike!!!

Me and the boys went to thousand acres!!!! It is literally a thousand acres of off leash trails...let me preface this by saying also I am day 20(?) No chemo I feel great! It's not Lois before chemo but we did 2 & 1/2 miles yes it took me an hour and a half but who really cares! My dogs had s blast! They listened( small corrections) we went to the Sandy river gizmo actually jumped in the water, he came right back out but dang! Stripe was a nervous nelly by the river but he had fun too! And they are wiped out now! Group tonight, home made burgers! What a day!!!

My house of cards...

I feel so good, I feel guilty! Day 17, If all goes well with the surgeon Thursday I get chemo Friday(yea) so conflicted!!! My lump is half the size on only 2 treatments! How can I be anything but hopeful and excited for the third? But this, this feeling of good health.... Wow... So I am holding my breath in my house of cards...

Glimpse of the future or what was will be again!

So day 15 after chemo (and this is only because I am trying to look at the bright side) what a nice day! I did not miss the tiredness that has plagued me. How this day makes a difference, gives me hope that on the other end I will be me again!  The further from the chemo the more like a real girl I will feel! (You lose hope of ever feeling normal again sometimes)  I enjoyed doing mundane things today! With a few more days of recovery before I am able to do chemo. I will revel in this like sunshine!

Should I throw my tantrum now or later!

No chemo! I have an infection ( cellulitis?) So antibiotics for a few days before they recheck me. Lesson ,again, don't get attached to the plan! Dammit! But spent quality time with miss Cyndi and that was great!

A world of pain!

Neupogen, the drug to increase my white blood cells. It's a shot I take for 10 days inbetween chemo. About day 5 of shots the pain starts. It is MUCH worse at night (wish I could figure that out! )... So Kelly says take a pill before it starts BECAUSE you know it is going to happen! But I hate taking things! Tonight however the pain got so bad so quickly, I was literally crying! So I took the hydrocodone & Aleve and a shower and it has brought the level down to about half...which is manageable...definitely talking to the doctor about it  tomorrow...in any event I will be taking the pill before the pain starts from now on (I hate that!)

Digging the support group!

Today was a hard day. But I thought it was important that the gals at group saw me on a bad day. verses how they normally see me happy, high energy you know. I really wanted to share that aspect of Lois. I brought my wigs and my ear cuffs and let everyone try then on! Lots of Selfies lol! Everyone was laughing it was so nice...and as hard as it was and I came home and collapsed. I am so glad I went! It inspired the group leaders to do some more uplifting things! So I am going to continue going. Love & Hugs!

No news is good news!

I just noticed, on really good days I often don't post here... (doing whatever, Life!) But I will post on Facebook. Isn't that odd? Today I promised myself to sleep in( I didn't) finished some tedious paper work just now 3 hours later...(yea me!)...now I have to more short writing projects, then group, then a meeting (hence the short writing projects)... So that is what a good day can look like. More like normal life...boring Lois...

A mile in another man's shoes

Remember that saying? I used to think well you can't really do that so you will never really know, right? Then here I am normally high energy, happy, upbeat, an embracer of life! Chemo has introduced me to another aspect, low energy, many things seem so very hard, feelings of inadequacy... these are in general feelings I am unfamiliar with. I now have a new appreciation for those who travel that road... I have to sometimes do a lot of self talk, listening to funny music, do things I don't feel quite up for. I now feel even more strongly a need to help and encourage others!

Timing is everything Or the good days!

This is the time I live for these days! Day 9 and forward. Oddly I did not realize that until I got moving around this morning.  Though tired it's more manageable and does nothing but get better from here...  until Friday chemo day and the whole circus starts again lol! But for now reveling...

Funny men sing funny rap!

Baba Brinkman & Professor Elemental - What's Your…: http://youtu.be/MKQCT24_eCA

What a difference a day makes!

Awoke today feeling pretty much great! Breakfast...then we will go for a walk! Who you might ask, my mother... I haven't seen her since the shaving... and though she saw the video she was UN prepared for me in person... some know some not, my father( he passed just over 7 years ago ) was bald. My mother had been smirking at me with these sneek peek looks since last night! So this morning I was like" knock it off! " she did not even try to hide or deny it! She says you look just like him! Thank you that is what I wanted to here... it's true... but still... I am hoping she gets over it today...enjoy the sun!

More's the pity or wise words...

Yes, I was having a pity party yesterday! Then someone responded to it and this is what she said " You go through life believing you support your responsibilities, but the truth is your responsibilities support you. They hold you up and create your place in the world. It probably does not matter how you choose to structure your day, but the structure is important! " wow! Today is a better day...as will be tomorrow!