So last week I was destroyed! I had hit a wall. ..I saw women that I had met this spring that are now not doing well and others I didn't know but had the same cancer I did, that aren't doing well. ..it hit me like bang! !! I am so very fortunate! Then. .. why am I so fortunate? !? Then. ... is it right to be okay? ?? Working on trying to be healthy? ?? Surviving guilt??? I thought I was handling everything really pretty well, then I turn into a slush bucket! Crying! Oh yes the crying. .. how can I get a handle on that? ?? For the record I feel better all the time! Not 100% but better😊 I have been informed it takes 5 years to be a survivor! So why do I feel that they cut it out... it's all gone!!! Am I afraid? ?? Am I deluding myself? ?? Goodness! I usually know my own brain. .. confusion. ..not my favorite... so where does that leave me? Crazy...
I think when you have gone through something traumatic like a serious illness, it is normal to have a lot of strong and confused feelings. It could be even a form of PTSD because you knew there was a possibility that you could die, you saw others doing poorly who might possibly die, etc. I think you should just feel whatever you are feeling as it comes, and allow yourself to feel that way. Maybe you could even go to therapy, or find something that would be therapeutic to you. Be kind to yourself. You've been through some very hard times, and you have to heal emotionally as well as physically!!!
ReplyDeleteI think when you have gone through something traumatic like a serious illness, it is normal to have a lot of strong and confused feelings. It could be even a form of PTSD because you knew there was a possibility that you could die, you saw others doing poorly who might possibly die, etc. I think you should just feel whatever you are feeling as it comes, and allow yourself to feel that way. Maybe you could even go to therapy, or find something that would be therapeutic to you. Be kind to yourself. You've been through some very hard times, and you have to heal emotionally as well as physically!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Angel, I actually have now twice talked to someone. Though since I where everything on my sleeve I think it's more a safe space. And swimming is my solace. .. I am working on being emotionally in the moment.
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